SHELTER
I am starting this blog as I cross the threshold from being married to joining D-squad. There’s so much to say and try to grapple with during this time as anyone who has gone through divorce knows. I am holding onto my mindfulness practice as though it were the broken hull of my ship, bobbing up and down at the mercy of the sea. It’s a very counter intuitive feeling and practice to intentionally choose to sit and be with yourself and your feelings when all of them are so extreme and gut wrenching. When every cell in you is pushing you toward some form of escapism. Toward anything that will dilute that experience and put distance between it and yourself. To choose to sit with those feelings instead, and be present for them is not the feel good movie of the year.
At the same time I can say that I have seen the future of the person that I am in my most painful moments, when that person has been abandoned in favor of a quick fix, and the train wreck that person can become (fighting off the infinite bad analogies I could use here. Kicking the can down the road, can too big to kick, broken foot, so on and so forth).
I heard the phrase recently that the refuge that you seek has to be yourself. That when the storm comes you are the shelter that you need. And with this understanding, when you believe you are enough, you can have the strength and patience to sit with that part of yourself who is in pain; who needs to heal, not be ignored. We all know that when we are physically ill we need rest and nutrition. But it is often easier for us to seek unhealthy avenues or coping mechanisms when we are unwell emotionally. If we can just sit with that part of us that is hurting as we would a friend, and let them know that they are safe because you are going to take care of them, that can make a world of difference and be a compass for the way forward.
Often when we see these things in ourselves it makes it easier to see them in others. Especially those we feel have wronged us or caused us pain. We can see that part of them that is suffering and in need of shelter as well. And then it’s easier to have compassion towards them because we know how that feels and what a difficult place that is to be in. Then maybe that flame you have lit for yourself can be transferred to them as well.